WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT FUNERALS

(But Have Never Asked)

          My name is John-Bryan Gardiner. I am a fourth generation funeral director, with my family history in funeral service going back to the late 1870's in Winnipeg. I myself began over 21 years ago, on the March break in 1979, then working weekends and evenings, washing cars, making removals, doing all sorts of general duties, covering for evening visitations, etc... I began full-time in June of 79, and after my college training, I received my license in 1982. While ours is a family business, I had to work my way up through the ranks of our company, and today I am the managing partner in the firm.

          Funeral service has changed and evolved a great deal over the years. In my great-grandfather's day, they made furniture. Caskets were a secondary part of their job. Largely due to the demands of the marketplace, they began handling more and more of the details surrounding the funerals. Around 1917, my grandfather closed the furniture/casket manufacturing part of the business to focus directly on funeral service. He eventually opened, what we understand to have been, the second true funeral home west of Toronto. The funeral home concept, effectively removed the preparation of the body and the evening wake services out of the family home, and into another facility. However, typically all services were held in the church and were followed by burial. Families knew what was going to happen, and what to expect. Just as important, was the fact that they felt they knew and trusted their local funeral director and saw value in what he was providing them.

          Today, once again, due to public demand, there have been many changes in recent years, and a family's options are endless. There are a great deal more decisions to be made, and as a result, there is also a lot more mis-information and uncertainty about funerals. Furthermore, families are no longer on a first-name basis with their local funeral director. Unfortunately, the comfort level is not always there anymore. Likewise, as a regional healthcare centre, many families are here from district communities, and do not know the local funeral homes. When death is imminent, who does the family turn to for information? Who do they trust? Who has been there for them throughout their ordeal? Often times it's you - the palliative care workers. Are you in a position to reasonably "inform" them as to what will happen, and what they need to do next?

          How many of you have arranged a funeral recently? How many of you have been part of a family that has recently had a death? How many of you have at least attended a funeral recently? When my grandfather was directing services, every funeral was the same. The only variables were: the deceased, the day, time and location of the service and burial, and the casket chosen. Today, rarely are two services the same.

          Firstly, if a "planned" death occurs at home, with the knowledge and agreement of a medical doctor and the family, a nurse can pronounce the death. The doctor will then sign the death certificate at a later time, often at the funeral home. This reduces the waiting time for a doctor to arrive, and removes some of the stress from the medical profession. The funeral home can then be called, and they will attend at the home as quickly as possible, regardless of the time of day or night. Under normal circumstances, there is no reason to involve the police, a coroner, or an ambulance. The police and coroner are only involved if the death was unexpected, or the attending physician will not be involved. Likewise, in most cases, the ambulance will not transport a deceased body. When the funeral home staff arrive, they will generally come appropriately attired, in a service vehicle (suburban or van) not a hearse. They will speak to the family, and then remove the body on a stretcher, very similar to an ambulance cot. Usually the family will be asked to wait in another room, especially if the attendants must negotiate stairs or narrow hallways. Rarely will they ever ask for assistance. Once the body is removed from the home, they will replace furniture, tidy the bedroom, and again speak to the family. They will usually try to get a sense of what the family wants, answer any questions that the family might have, and set an appointment time to make the funeral arrangements.

          If the death occurs in a hospital or hospice, the institution staff will ask which funeral home is to be called. Generally, the hospital will then call the funeral home, and we will in turn call the family. Unfortunately, in recent times we have often experienced cases where the hospital does not call us, and the family waits, and waits, before they call us. If you are speaking with a family, please tell them that if they have not heard from the funeral home in a reasonable length of time, please do not hesitate to call. Even if it is in the middle of the night, and they want to speak to us, call. Just as in the case of a death at home, in our first conversations with the family, we will discuss with them what they are thinking of in the way of services. We will answer whatever questions they have at that point, and we will set a time for the funeral arrangements. Once we have made contact with the family, and received a release from the hospital, we will transfer the body to the funeral home.

          Regardless of where the death occurs, we will not proceed with embalming or any funeral preparations until authorized by the family.

- Full names of the deceased.
- Complete address.
- Social insurance number.
- Date and place of birth, if not Thunder Bay, when did they come to Canada, to Thunder Bay.
- Parents names (including mother's maiden name) and birthplaces if known.
- Marital status and spouse's full name (incl. maiden name as applicable).
- Employment history.
- Point form information for the obituary, including clubs, associations, interests, surviving family and predeceased family members.

- Disposition: Burial or Cremation?
- Service or no service?
- If a service, before or after the burial or cremation?
- Location of service? Church, funeral chapel, community hall, etc...?
- Viewing? For family and friends, or family only?
- If no viewing, has every family member had the opportunity to say goodbye? It is very important to ensure that all family members have been asked: this includes children and out of town relatives - it is very important for their own grief process that they make their own independent decision and not that the decision be made for them.
- Evening gathering?
- Gathering with or without body? (If no viewing, body can still be present in closed casket)
- If service and/or evening gathering, picture or multiple pictures on picture board? Memory table?
- If service, who is doing the service, clergy, family friend? Eulogies? Music, soloists? Legion or fraternal involvement?

- Burial
- which cemetery or mausoleum?
- are there existing plots or an existing crypt?
- burial vault for earth burial?

- Cremation
- What will happen to the ashes? Are they to be interred in a cemetery, or placed in a niche? While scattering is an option, it is not recommended nor is it done by most funeral directors. A final resting place, or permanent memorial is usually very important, especially to out of town relatives and grandchildren who may wish to visit the gravesite in future years.
- Is there existing cemetery property or niche?

- Obituaries
- Does the family want a photo in the paper?
- Should the obituary be run in paper(s) outside of Thunder Bay, for the benefit of family or friends in other communities?

          - I have chosen cremation, can I still have a funeral? Cremation is simply a process, not a final disposition, and does not limit any choices that the family has. If anything, it increases the number of decisions that a family has to make.

          - Must I follow the wishes of the deceased? In Canada, the body is the property of the estate, and disposition is not normally included in the will. Regardless, the executor, or nearest relatives can ultimately do whatever they wish with the body, as long as it is legal. We are very careful to make families aware that while the wishes of the deceased are important, the family's wants and needs must take precedence. Once things happen, they cannot normally be reversed. Ultimately they should not do things that they are uncomfortable with.

          - How much does a funeral cost? That is much like asking what a wedding costs. There are so many variables that we need to know some background as to what a person is including is funeral costs. What I can tell you, is that our fees for a direct disposition without services will cost just under $900. and can go up from there. For a traditional-type of service, with body preparations, viewing, visitations and funeral, our fees are in the range of $3300. for services and casket, and go up from there. Disbursements, such as newspaper, cemetery and/or crematorium, clergy, flowers and reception are additional.

          - How much does a casket cost? Each funeral home has slightly different prices, depending on their suppliers and pricing formulas. At our funeral home, cardboard cremation boxes start around $35., and plywood boxes are $175. Plain grey cloth caskets begin at $345., plain wood caskets start at around $500., and polished wood caskets begin at approximately $900. In house, we offer over 20 choices, with the average selection around $1600. - 1800.

          - Isn't cremation cheaper? It can be, but once again there are many variables. With our fees, the difference can be minor. Often times a family might spend a little less on a casket, but will spend money on an urn. Cremation can however, reduce the potential cemetery costs slightly, depending on whether or not a plot is purchased.

          - Is a casket required for cremation? Yes. It can be a plain cardboard container, or a plank oak casket, but for the protection of the body and those who are handling it, the body must be in a container for cremation. Any combustible casket, or substantial container will suffice.

          - Isn't a funeral a waste of money? To refer back to the analogy of a wedding, how much do most families spend on weddings, yet over 50% of them end in divorce! Death is the last "right of passage" in our society. We mark with a ritual or celebration: birth, baptisms, birthdays, first communions, confirmations, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, promotions, retirements, and death. Funerals are the ritual or celebration that marks death as the last right of passage. To reduce the value of a funeral to pure dollars and cents, one must also question the cost and value of all the other celebrations and rights of passage throughout our lives. Yes, we must identify and stick to a budget, but each of these celebrations acknowledges a milestone, and fulfils an emotional need. Death is a milestone that we do not always look forward to, yet it can cause the greatest emotional needs. Grief is a very real, long, and sometimes painful process for both family and friends. While the style and tone of funerals has changed over the years, the purpose of the funeral has always been to acknowledge the death, honour the deceased, celebrate the life lived, and to facilitate the healthy grieving of the survivors. Regardless of the cost, the choice to not have some kind of service, removes the opportunity for closure, and is the choice to grieve alone (paraphrase of Rabbi Earl Grollman). It is interesting to note, that around the world, families are choosing to spend more for funerals today, than ever before. In Japan, families chose to spend tens of thousands of dollars, much like we spend on weddings. The traditional North American funeral that we as a society are discarding, is becoming more and more the choice in other countries. Direct disposition is a North American phenomenon, not a world-wide trend!

          - At those prices, how does someone pay for a funeral today? Firstly, while funerals do cost a lot of money today, when one considers inflation, funerals actually cost less today than they did a generation ago. Our prices have increased less in the past 20 years, than the price of the cars in our fleet! Historically, funeral prices have not kept up with inflation. Secondly, there is more money available today for funerals, than there has ever been. Typically there is more cash available from life insurance, pension death benefits, CPP death benefits, workers' compensation, disability pensions, DVA, etc... Likewise, many older people have money set aside for their funerals: they saved for their homes, the education and marriages of their children, and their funerals. Lastly, for those that cannot afford a funeral, there is also social assistance, and Last Post Fund (for veterans). Furthermore, most funeral homes are quite willing to work with a family to provide what they need, regardless of the cost or terms.

          - Can the family supply their own casket? Yes they can. In Ontario, funeral homes do not and can not discriminate against families that supply their own casket. The funeral home must accept the casket without any surcharges or handling fees. Especially with direct cremation, some families consider building their own casket. Most realize very quickly that the cost of lumber vs. what the funeral home is charging, just doesn't warrant it. Some families consider purchasing a casket from a casket store, but that area deserves a word of caution. Funeral homes are regulated. Casket stores are not. We must fully disclose the manufacturers of our caskets and the model numbers and materials that they are constructed with. Through a funeral home, you know exactly what you are getting. A casket store is just like any other retailer, the onus is on the purchaser to verify just what they are buying. Is it solid wood, or is it veneer? Was it constructed by a reputable supplier, or was it built in someone's garage? Furthermore, the markups on funeral merchandise today, are roughly the same as the casket retailers. Funeral homes carry a broad assortment of caskets, intended to meet the budgets and tastes of all their client families. When one really looks closely at what they are getting for their money, most families realize that dealing with just one supplier, the funeral director, is the simplest way. If a family chooses to supply their own casket, the funeral home does have the right to see proof of liability insurance from the casket store; to require the family to sign a waiver; and to have a representative of the family present when the casket is delivered to inspect it (to ensure that it is the right casket, and that it is in good condition).

          - Can a family supply their own urn? Just like a casket, the answer is yes, with the same comments and cautions.

          - Is a burial vault necessary? In our local cemeteries, burial vaults are optional. In some larger centres they are mandatory to reduce the cemetery upkeep and associated long-term costs. Years ago, caskets were shipped to the funeral homes in wooden shells, and they were then buried in the same wooden shell. Today, burial vaults are often used, and they can be made of fibreglass, steel, or concrete. Some are sealed, others are not. After the initial settling of the grave, all vaults prevent further grave settling and collapse. In a sealed vault, nature still reclaims the body, but it occurs without outside assistance. For many families, this is important to them. In Thunder Bay we offer various grades of fibreglass and concrete vaults. Prices start around $750.

          - What is a Transfer Service (ie: the Northwest Funeral Alternative)? In Ontario, there are 2 very different types of licensed funeral businesses. First is the licensed Funeral Service Establishment. This is your full-service type of funeral home/chapel. When I refer to full-service, I do not wish to suggest that you must purchase a full-service traditional funeral, but rather the establishment is licensed to offer a full range of funeral options, from direct disposition without a service, to the most elaborate of traditional funerals, and everything in between. By law, they must have certain facilities, equipment and amenities, plus they are also mandated to offer a full range of funeral merchandise on the premises (catalogues are not sufficient). A licensed Transfer Service, is just what the name implies. They are only allowed by law, to provide for the most basic transfer service. They can transport the body to their facility; arrange for the necessary documentation and cremation or burial; and then transport the body to the place of final disposition. They cannot legally arrange for, direct, or even be present at any kind of service. Furthermore, they can only offer a limited selection of merchandise. Many of them in Ontario are considered "not-for-profit" corporations, yet they charge more for their basic services than the traditional funeral homes! The most important issue, is that when a family deals with a transfer service, their options are limited, and they must do a great deal of their own arranging. Likewise, they do not allow for the family to have any opportunity to have a final time with their loved one. Funeral homes keep the family's options open. They ensure that a family knows what their choices are, and then ultimately the family makes the final decisions. Yes, if the funeral home is doing much of the arranging for the family, and/or is providing other services and facilities, then there is a fee for those services. However, all funeral homes in Ontario provide itemized pricing, and only charge the family for what they are providing. Furthermore, even if direct cremation or burial is the choice of the family, a funeral home can provide a private time for the family prior to the cremation or burial (something that a transfer service cannot normally do). This does not necessitate embalming or visitation, but rather is intended as a chance for the family to say their final goodbyes. One last difference between them, comes down to service. While both types of business have people on call at all times, typically a funeral home is able to meet the needs of a family at any time of the day or night, weekday or weekend. Not all transfer services are like that, and sometimes the family must wait until they can meet with a transfer service operator. Ultimately, the decision to use a full-service funeral establishment, may cost a little more, but the choice to spend more is the choice of the family, based on their needs and budget.

          Conclusion - For generations, funeral homes have evolved to meet the needs of our communities, and we are continually evolving to address the needs of the future. Historically funeral homes were family owned, but that is not always the case today. As a result of some of the practices of the large multinationals that own thousands of funeral homes, and their current financial woes, funeral service has received a great deal of media coverage in recent years. One thing that has not changed, is that we are here to assist families in need. If you ever have a question please ask. The sooner we can get true and factual information into the hands of our client families, the easier it will be for them when they are faced with crucial decisions. A family only has one chance to plan a meaningful funeral, and we sincerely want them to make the informed decisions that meet their needs.

          Thank you for visiting our web-site.  We hope that you have learned some new and helpful information, that will make decisions easier for you when the need arises.  If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact either myself or any one of our licensed funeral directors.  We will provide you with honest, straight-forward answers without obligation.  Likewise, we are available to speak to church groups, service clubs, schools, professional organizations, etc... on funeral service and funeral options.  Just one of our services that makes us leaders in our profession.

  - John-Bryan Gardiner, Vice-President, Managing Partner.